In Episode 7 I talk to my very favorite person in the world, my husband Lee. You’ve probably heard me mention him several times, but I tricked him into coming on the podcast with me just in time for our 9th anniversary which is the day this episode comes out. He’s a college minister and I love hearing his Biblically grounded insights. I even let him get away with interviewing me at one point during our conversation.
In this episode we talk about marriage. I put the call out on social media for the best and worst marriage advice people had received and we talk through some of those from a Biblical perspective. I’m sure you’ve heard some of these ideas as well and many more, and I hope our conversation gets you thinking about marriage in a new way.
Best and worst marriage advice
“Don’t go to bed angry” (Ephesians 4:26) - This is nuanced and should always be approached in prayer
“Happy wife, happy life” - “Happiness that is temporal or something that can be so fleeting, and to make that the most ultimate pursuit is going to lead you into a lot of trouble along the way”
“Marriage isn’t 50/50, it’s 100/100” - “Doing kind things for your spouse with the hopes of them returning that favor, falls apart when that doesn’t happen.”; Ephesians 5:15-21 - submitting to one another
“Love is a choice” - “Is it easy to love somebody who is loving you and being lovely and easy to love? Absolutely, however, that is not the call that is on the lives of husbands from Ephesians Chapter 5. Paul says husbands love their wives like Christ loves the church, and he loved the church when she did not respond in kind in any way.”
“I also once had a guy tell me before I got married that being married is like shopping for cars. You're always negotiating and if you don't get what you want just walk away.” or “Worst marriage advice I ever got was to treat your marriage like a legal roommate agreement and you'll have no issues.” - contract vs covenant
“Outdo one another in showing honor” (Romans 12:10)
“Ephesians 5:22-23 is talking about marriage. He doesn’t rummage through the grab bag of illustrations, and he pulls out Jesus and the Church. It’s the other way around, that Jesus and his bride, the Church, they are the picture that the marriage between a man and a woman are to imitate. So Jesus is the OG and we are the imitators there.”
“3Ds- dialogue daily, date weekly, depart quarterly” - All about being intentional, frequency is not what’s most important.
“Keep things in perspective and don’t take the little stuff too seriously”
How can we keep from comparing our marriage to another couples?
Rejoice in the good things you see.
It’s okay to want to emulate the good things you see in someone’s marriage; “Recognizing what God has already done in your marriage and how he has already blessed.”
“Recognizing our identity is not in what our marriage looks like”
How do we interact with those who view marriage differently?
1 Peter 3:15 - “with gentleness and respect”
“Being right doesn’t make you right. You can be absolutely correct in everything you’re saying and be completely wrong in the way that you’ve done it or even the reason why you’re doing it.”
How does marriage relate to the gospel?
“Marriage is not the gospel, and it is not ultimate. It is never meant to be the thing that is supposed to be paramount in our lives above anything else because that is what the gospel is. The gospel is the thing that saves.”
In marriage we can live out a picture of the gospel to others.
“Marriage as a picture of two sinners who are having to ask each other for forgiveness, that is absolutely in line with the gospel”
Love covers a multitude of sin. (1 Peter 4:8 and James 5:20)
“Marriage is a sanctifying process because it drives us to the gospel.”
Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by William Cutrer
5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
A Lifelong Love by Gary Thomas
Books We're Reading:
James Commentary by Douglas Moo
Commentary on Hebrews by Thomas Schreiner
All But Invisible by Nate Collins
Hello Mornings by Kat Lee
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